Which God is He?

God hasn't 'spoken' to me in my study for quite a stretch. I don't know, maybe I'm not praying right or something. But as I read the scriptures set forth for myself for those days, I keep wondering --- Which God is He? I have a very hard time reconciling in my mind the God portrayed in the Old Testament and Jesus as God walking among men. Jesus says in John 10:22-30 that He and the Father are One. In another place, John 14:9 After the disciples had asked Jesus to show them the Father, He told them, 'If you have seen Me, you have seen the Father.' In the Old Testament, God has His people slaughter enemies. I understand this because of the influence they would have on His people that would cause them to worship other gods and turn from Him. And it did. But why the babies, children and even the animals of the enemy? Then He has them slaughter each other, the Jews, whole families including babies, children, and even the slaves and in one instance even the friends. Why not just the ones who were disobedient? I Kings 15:25-30 I Kings 16:8-13 and it says it came by the Word of the Lord to do this, except for Jehosaphat and he just banished people.

**************

Then there's the prophet.... it doesn't give his name, He's just happily doing God's work. I Kings 13:1-24. God told him to go to Bethel and warn them. The king was so happy, he invited him to stay for dinner. The prophet said, no God told me not to eat or drink anything and to come back the way I came. So he sets off for home. Another prophet in this town, for some reason, decides to deceive him. So he finds him on his way home, tells him he too is a prophet and that God has told him to come and get the prophet and take him to his place to eat and that it was ok. So the prophet goes back with the lying prophet thinking God has changed His mind and has sent this prophet to tell him. God strikes the deceived prophet down........ Not the one who did the deceiving, who lied. He struck down the one who trusted that a fellow prophet got another word from God. Imagine. And we complain about fellow Christians stabbing us in the back all the time. At least most of the time, it doesn't lead to our death.

****************

Then there's II Kings 23-25 Elisha was walking to Bethel and some kids (the Hebrew language insinuates these were young children) were calling him names. A huge group of them. Not pushing or shoving or being physical or throwing rotten eggs or tomatoes or sticks or stones, just name calling. Of course, it IS a man of God, but as we have seen in the previous paragraph, they aren't always the best of characters. Even Elisha's protege' ended up lying and cheating to gain possessions and was punished by becoming a leper. (You can read about Gehazi in II Kings 5:15-17) OK, Elisha IS one of the good prophets, but lets say these non-believers had met their share of hypocrits. So they are calling him names. And it's a group, so there's a little of the 'going along with the crowd' thing. I'm sure there were some there (out of a group of 42 so it says) who probably had no clue what they were really doing or knew who Elisha really was, they were just following the crowd and name calling seemed harmless enough. Elisha called down a curse, two bears come out and mauled and killed them all. W??

*****************

You know, when I was young, there was a time I was disenchanted with what I considered to be 'organized religion' (it was the '70's) and the adults that just didn't get it and all that stiff religious ritual stuff. I know I disrespected people who were probably true men and women of faith. I dabbled in witchcraft, not satanism, but pagan spell casting, herb burning, psychic stuff, tarot card reading, reincarnation, things like that. Thank God He didn't ZAP me for being so cynical. At that time He must have been the God that was saying,'Forgive them, they know not what they do.'

*****************

I just can't wrap my brain around THAT God in the Old Testament and the Good Shepherd. The Lord who hung on the cross, bleeding, having to push up on the nails in his feet to get the air in his lungs to say ' Father, forgive them, they know not what they do.' Which brings me to the dilemna I have always had. Who is the God that loves me? The One who is ready to zap me for being naive enough to think I'm doing the right thing, but since I'm not - TO HELL WITH ME..literally? Or the Good Shepherd, who knows sheep are dumb and they wander off and when they don't have that constant rod moving them back on the path they wander into territory they don't know? They fall into a pit and they can't get out. Their hooves aren't made for climbing. If it starts to rain, their wool is so heavy it will cause them to sink and drown. The only thing it can do is bleat and call out for it's Shepherd and hope the shepherd is the Good One. The one who leaves the 99 to find the ONE who is lost. (Matt. 18:11-14, John 10:14) Because He knows it's wandered off, knew it shouldn't have, but was too stupid not to and now it's in a real fix. He comes and finds you, all you have to do is call.

******************

I pray it's THAT God I serve. But I just don't get how it's the same one. Most of the time I FEEL (yes, I know feelings aren't reality and satan likes to use them against us) like He's standing ready to zap me and since I mess up every day in one way or another..... it's just not very comfortable. Oh, to feel grace and mercy and to KNOW that He's not frowning at me.........

******************

Mark 9:24 Lord, I believe, please, help my unbelief.
Create your own